acceptance?” I asked myself as I sat on the sand looking out at the ocean, chuckling. Over
the weekend I taught a course on healing and one of the main themes was acceptance, the
kind of acceptance that requires you to let go of judgments, grievances, shoulds and
blame. It is said that you teach that which you most need to learn, and the learning didn’t
stop with the weekend. It turns out the setting for the lesson was important. Right before
the weekend, my husband received a call from his cousin and her husband, saying they’d
be flying to the East Coast from California. They invited us to join them for a couple of
days if we could get away. Initially my week was booked, but the event I was to co-facilitate
Tuesday evening was cancelled and daytime sessions were rescheduled.
Miraculously, Tuesday and Wednesday became open to travel down the coast to visit
them.
Shortly after arriving, I began experiencing pain in my right shoulder. I blamed it on six
hours in the car, and trying to sleep sitting up. The pain kept getting worse. On three
occasions over the two days, Brice gave me massage, bodywork and Reiki to alleviate the
pain. This would help for a little while. On the second day, he worked on my shoulder
and neck before we went out to breakfast. After breakfast, we were walking along the
boardwalk when Brice asked me what was wrong. I said I was in pain. He suggested I
take a painkiller, and I agreed. I took twice the dose I normally take, and a half hour later
the pain was worse instead of better. Brice asked how I was feeling and upon hearing that
it was worse said, “I guess you need a session.” A couple of hours later, we were on the
beach and I was giving myself a session.
I discovered a false belief: That which I couldn’t understand I had to stay away from. I
couldn’t go into a place, a culture or amongst people that I didn’t understand because it
was risky; I might get killed. I didn’t like seeing this, as it’s one of the beliefs that starts
wars, I thought. I came up with my intention statement, “I open to understand other
people, cultures and places with curiosity, interest and complete acceptance.” When I was
done, the pain was completely gone, 100% gone. This is when I started chuckling and
thinking to myself, “Where in this whole wide world would Spirit send me to best learn
the lesson of acceptance?”
I thought of the different places in the world that might trigger my judgment, and I had to
admit that Spirit picked the best place. Atlantic City was perfect. What is this place with
its sky-rise casinos, over-the-top opulence and glamor, marble floors, chandeliers, large
statues, fountains, and loud blaring music? What is this place with its cinder-block shacks
that look as if they should be condemned right across the street from the glitzy casinos?
The trailer parks back home seemed more inviting, with pleasant landscaping and
noticeable upkeep. And who are these people? Why were we the only ones on the beach
on this beautiful sunny day? Why were the crowds inside in the cavernous casinos, which
looked to me like video arcades for grownups and smelled to me of liquor and a hint of
stale smoke? Now I simply wanted to understand instead of judge them and instead of
being subconsciously repelled by it all.
This story introduces the second key to healing: acceptance. Acceptance relates to the
first key, which is being seen for who we truly are. For, if we are seen for who we truly
are at our essence, acceptance would naturally follow. In an environment of complete
acceptance, I feel free to be me, to be honest, open and undefended. Maybe then I can
begin to look at the parts of myself I have rejected. I may even be able to let go of some
of my guilt, shame, embarrassment, and self-repulsion, and start to integrate those aspects
of myself I had previously denied.
It has been said that forgiveness is essential to healing. Here, I define the term
forgiveness as complete and unconditional acceptance, which is not in strict accordance
with our dictionaries. I refer to acceptance of oneself, others, and what is. I see the first
steps to transformation as the ability to fully accept what is, to perceive all that is
unfolding in the world, in our life, in our relationships, and in the here and now as
somehow perfect or at least neutral. If we could only realize there is nothing to fix,
change or transform, we might feel a little lighter, have greater peace, and find ourselves
more in the flow. I know this is often easier said than done, and yet it is essential, because
it is frequently the stress and tension with what is that is at the root of our pain, illness or
disease.
Relationships in all their forms are important in our healing journeys. Sometimes it is the
most challenging relationship or circumstance that brings us the most transformation,
healing, and growth. Thus, if following your guidance has led to a relationship or
circumstance that is not what you had envisioned or hoped for, don’t simply jump to the
conclusion that you made a mistake. Instead, take a pause, practice acceptance, and ask
yourself, “How is this relationship or this circumstance perfect for me and my healing
journey?” The answer might surprise you.
