The Three Keys to Healing, Part II

“Where in the whole wide world would Spirit send me to best learn the lesson of
acceptance?” I asked myself as I sat on the sand looking out at the ocean, chuckling. Over
the weekend I taught a course on healing and one of the main themes was acceptance, the
kind of acceptance that requires you to let go of judgments, grievances, shoulds and
blame. It is said that you teach that which you most need to learn, and the learning didn’t
stop with the weekend. It turns out the setting for the lesson was important. Right before
the weekend, my husband received a call from his cousin and her husband, saying they’d
be flying to the East Coast from California. They invited us to join them for a couple of
days if we could get away. Initially my week was booked, but the event I was to co-facilitate
Tuesday evening was cancelled and daytime sessions were rescheduled.
Miraculously, Tuesday and Wednesday became open to travel down the coast to visit
them.

Shortly after arriving, I began experiencing pain in my right shoulder. I blamed it on six
hours in the car, and trying to sleep sitting up. The pain kept getting worse. On three
occasions over the two days, Brice gave me massage, bodywork and Reiki to alleviate the
pain. This would help for a little while. On the second day, he worked on my shoulder
and neck before we went out to breakfast. After breakfast, we were walking along the
boardwalk when Brice asked me what was wrong. I said I was in pain. He suggested I
take a painkiller, and I agreed. I took twice the dose I normally take, and a half hour later
the pain was worse instead of better. Brice asked how I was feeling and upon hearing that
it was worse said, “I guess you need a session.” A couple of hours later, we were on the
beach and I was giving myself a session.

I discovered a false belief: That which I couldn’t understand I had to stay away from. I
couldn’t go into a place, a culture or amongst people that I didn’t understand because it
was risky; I might get killed. I didn’t like seeing this, as it’s one of the beliefs that starts
wars, I thought. I came up with my intention statement, “I open to understand other
people, cultures and places with curiosity, interest and complete acceptance.” When I was
done, the pain was completely gone, 100% gone. This is when I started chuckling and
thinking to myself, “Where in this whole wide world would Spirit send me to best learn
the lesson of acceptance?”

I thought of the different places in the world that might trigger my judgment, and I had to
admit that Spirit picked the best place. Atlantic City was perfect. What is this place with
its sky-rise casinos, over-the-top opulence and glamor, marble floors, chandeliers, large
statues, fountains, and loud blaring music? What is this place with its cinder-block shacks
that look as if they should be condemned right across the street from the glitzy casinos?
The trailer parks back home seemed more inviting, with pleasant landscaping and
noticeable upkeep. And who are these people? Why were we the only ones on the beach
on this beautiful sunny day? Why were the crowds inside in the cavernous casinos, which
looked to me like video arcades for grownups and smelled to me of liquor and a hint of
stale smoke? Now I simply wanted to understand instead of judge them and instead of
being subconsciously repelled by it all.

This story introduces the second key to healing: acceptance. Acceptance relates to the
first key, which is being seen for who we truly are. For, if we are seen for who we truly
are at our essence, acceptance would naturally follow. In an environment of complete
acceptance, I feel free to be me, to be honest, open and undefended. Maybe then I can
begin to look at the parts of myself I have rejected. I may even be able to let go of some
of my guilt, shame, embarrassment, and self-repulsion, and start to integrate those aspects
of myself I had previously denied.

It has been said that forgiveness is essential to healing. Here, I define the term
forgiveness as complete and unconditional acceptance, which is not in strict accordance
with our dictionaries. I refer to acceptance of oneself, others, and what is. I see the first
steps to transformation as the ability to fully accept what is, to perceive all that is
unfolding in the world, in our life, in our relationships, and in the here and now as
somehow perfect or at least neutral. If we could only realize there is nothing to fix,
change or transform, we might feel a little lighter, have greater peace, and find ourselves
more in the flow. I know this is often easier said than done, and yet it is essential, because
it is frequently the stress and tension with what is that is at the root of our pain, illness or
disease.

Relationships in all their forms are important in our healing journeys. Sometimes it is the
most challenging relationship or circumstance that brings us the most transformation,
healing, and growth. Thus, if following your guidance has led to a relationship or
circumstance that is not what you had envisioned or hoped for, don’t simply jump to the
conclusion that you made a mistake. Instead, take a pause, practice acceptance, and ask
yourself, “How is this relationship or this circumstance perfect for me and my healing
journey?” The answer might surprise you.

The Three Keys to Healing: Part I

The other evening I went to the movie, The Intouchables, which I enjoyed very much. The movie is based on a true story of a wealthy Frenchman, Philippe, who is paralyzed from the neck down, and who hires a black ex-con, Driss, as his caretaker. There is a particular scene I want to share that involves a conversation between Philippe and a man who is acting as spokesperson for Philippe’s family and friends. The man arranged the meeting to share their concern over Philippe’s decision to hire a black ex-con as his caretaker. He says to Philippe something like, “I did a background check on your new caretaker and he just came back from six months in jail for robbery. I don’t know this man, but generally these people have no pity.” Philippe replies emphatically, “That’s what I want. No pity. Driss will hand me the phone because he forgets I have no use of my arms. He is strong, healthy, and full of life, so he can be my arms and legs.”

This short interchange is my favorite scene in the movie. As the movie unfolds, we watch as Driss helps bring Philippe back to life, simply by being himself and being real. Their relationship helps transform Driss as well. To me, this is a beautiful illustration of the power of a healing relationship, and demonstration for how both people are transformed by working together. It doesn’t matter who is patient and who is healer.

At some point, each of us, even those on the healer’s path, will seek out healing support. How do we choose? I am aware this is a very individual matter. Even so, people often have asked me for guidance in choosing a healing practitioner. I usually provide them the top three qualities I look for when seeking a health professional, traditional or alternative. This guidance is meant to be in addition to doing your research, gathering friends’ referrals, and checking the practitioner’s credentials, experience, specialties, types of health care practiced, and modalities offered. And sometimes, as depicted in the opening scene of the movie, you just have to go with your gut.

The first quality I look for when seeking out a healing practitioner is actually more a quality of relationship. I want to feel I am being treated as an equal. Typically, a practitioner sees a patient as someone broken, and looks for what it is about him/he that needs to be fixed. What if instead, the practitioner holds the vision of the patient as already whole, complete, and healed, regardless of what the patient believed to be true? What if she/he could see the person you are behind your story, your challenges, and your limitations, the person you are at your essence? What if the healer forgets you don’t have use of your arms, as in the movie, and treats you instead as that person?

The purpose for healing, therefore, would be to assist the patient in discovering his/her wholeness, in remembering who s/he really is. This is also the first key to healing. It is commonly known that a wise teacher is one that draws forth from the student the knowledge within. Similarly, a wise healer draws forth your innate health and healing abilities. She/he helps you see you are your own best healer. If we are equal, and in my opinion we are, “Who, then, is the therapist, and who is the patient?” According to A Course in Miracles, “In the end, everyone is both.”


Please share your thoughts or comments on remembering who you are, the first key to healing in the area below or on our Facebook page.

Remembering Who You Are: the First Key to Healing
A Guided Meditation

Find a comfortable seated position, close your eyes, and completely relax your body. Take three slow three-part breaths. First fill up your stomach, bring the air up to the chest, and then bring it up into the upper chest or shoulders. Visualize yourself in your favorite place in nature, either real or imagined. Open up all of your inner senses. See the beauty of the nature surrounding you. Hear the sounds of nature: the insects, birds, breezes, etc. Smell the scents of nature. Taste the tastes of nature. Maybe you can even taste the scents. Feel the earth under your feet; feel the sun on your skin, feel the breezes in your hair. Become aware you are standing in sacred space. Become aware you are part of this sacred place. Sense yourself as one with the sky, with the trees, with the earth…

Now ask to be shown who you truly are. Ask to be given an experience or vision of your true Self.
Pause for a few moments in the silence after you’ve asked. You may or may not have a vision; instead you may get a sense or a feeling. You may see a symbol or hear a message or words. Relax and open to the experience. Be patient. Allow whatever comes or doesn’t come to be perfect. Pause for a moments after you’ve been given the vision, the sense, the feeling or the experience.  Take it in deeply.

Notice, that although you have a body, you are not the body. Notice, that although you have emotions and desires, you are not your emotional body. Notice, that although you have thoughts and beliefs, you are not your mental body. Here, in your essence, you are whole, complete, and eternal. Here in your essence, you have all the resources, knowledge, and love that you have ever wanted or needed. You are holy, magnificent and powerful. You are connected, one with all beings and loved.

Pause for a few moments and be with all that you are. When you sense you are done, open your eyes. As you go about your days, remember who you truly are. Repeat this meditation as often as needed.